Aug 27, 2008
Don't over promise. Many lies feel necessary because you've gotten yourself into a situation and you don't know how to get out of it. You can start by not over committing yourself with other people. Only promise what you can realistically do.
Don't make up too many rules for yourself. If you set yourself up by trying to be perfect, you will feel like you're failing and feel like you have to lie. Instead of "I am never going to be late for school again", try "I intend to stop being late as much as I reasonably can."
Talk to others about what you can realistically do. Are others making you stick to rules that aren't realistic? Many times parents, teachers, employers, boyfriends or girlfriends box us into a corner by making us follow their strict rules. If you are in such a situation, you will find that you are lying because you can't possibly live up to their expectations. You may not be entirely successful - sometimes you can't change your parent's ideas, but you can acknowledge to yourself that their expectation is ridiculous.
Make sure your heart is in what you are doing. If not, try to find a way to make it so. You have to stay in school, so find something that you really are interested in. You need to have a job - find ways that you can enjoy some aspect of what you do.
Don't be so hard on yourself. When you find yourself telling a lie, check it out first. Why did you? What was it you were trying to hide? Is there a way you can be yourself instead? Recognize the situations you tend to lie in, and start practicing just telling the truth.
Consider the consequences of a major lie. Coming out and admitting your mistake can make a world of difference, and sometimes the worst price is your self-esteem. That you can recover. If you can't do it, try a middle ground. Write a letter to yourself admitting what happened. Find a counselor who can listen to you and advise you. Getting it out of your head is the most important step toward stopping your torture.
Use your sense of humor to tell the truth. Laugh at yourself with other people. Just saying "Could I be any worse at managing my checking account?" out loud, rather than denying your problem can get you on the road to recovery.
Guess what - the definition of being human is that we are not perfect. You will never be perfect! Don't set yourself up thinking you should be.
Come right out with your primary feeling. "Sam, I am so completely embarrassed by what I did. I'm hating myself. I told Kim you liked her, even though you told me not to. Would you forgive me?"
When you admit that you are a liar you are nearly there.
Often lying emerges as a result of a feeling of inadequacy, or a need to protect the truth from others and thus leave yourself less vulnerable. Learn to accept that truth is the right of all people; take a deep breath, think about the person to whom you are speaking and what they would say if they knew you were lying, open your mouth, and speak the truth.
Don't tell yourself you are telling the truth if you are lying. If you dont know a question that one of you friends or family members asks you say that you dont know instead of lying to yourself and to your friends and family to look cool. It will just come back and bite you in the butt!
If you lie a lot over everything, realize that you cant stop in one go. Its just like a drug, its really hard to stop. You need to slow it down. Parents will tell you when you are about to lie you should stop and ask yourself, "Is this wrong?" This is a stupid idea since usualy when you lie you don't have 1-2 minutes on your hand. Instead try asking youself, "Is this a lie" really quickly. It takes time, but eventually you will stop if you really try.
Posted by Jane at Wednesday, August 27, 2008 |