Jun 6, 2008
To improve your social skills, you must start with yourself. Bear in mind that you are the only one who can help. It is very good to be sociable, but you must take action and practice.
Look at other people. They're like you - the only difference is that they believe in themselves. A sliver of self-confidence goes a long way, so try to believe in yourself.
There are people around you who are funny and sociable. Analyze their behavior and see what they do. Identify their cues and attempt to assimilate some of their beneficial patterns into your demeanor (see Warning below).
Talk to others around you. Don't let what others say about you pull you down; just talk it out. Doing this will help you vent to people, which will make you feel more social. Ask questions, tell jokes, do whatever it takes to start a conversation.
Pay attention to those around you and not just how you're acting. Learn and care about people as they are, because this makes you a better person to know and helps you to have things to talk about. It also helps you to be more confident, because over-analyzing yourself can lead to self-consciousness or a lack of connection with those you're around.
Say yes. Unless you have already made an appointment or obligation with someone else. No one likes flaky people, that is, people who ditch them for another social event!
Ask your friends to talk about you, so you can find out how your behavior is perceived. Then, ask them how you can improve. Though doing this too often can be annoying or show you as self-centered.
When you are at home, call your friends and talk to them on the phone for practice.
Always try to accept others' offers and invitations and be with them. Also make invitations to others; it's a good way to show people you enjoy them and they'll like you for it.
If someone cracks a joke and everyone falls about laughing, and you haven't been involved much into the conversation, join in laughing or agree with what they're saying (only if you actually agree though!). People will appreciate you and involve you more.
Go up to someone and just start a conversation with them. This will let them know that you want to talk to them and they will want to talk to you.
Don't be by yourself all the time! If you don't know a lot of people you're around, just walk over and start talking. Most likely, they will talk back to you.
Sit with a whole group of people at lunch, not just one or two friends. You can be more sociable this way, and around a lot more people.
* Always believe in yourself.
* Believe that you are exactly who you want to be.
* Don't act stuck-up. There is a difference between confidence and snobbery.
* Remember, being social does not mean being every one's friend. It is okay to be selective with friends and a little cautious. It's safer that way and ensures you get quality friends, not quantity. The main test of if you should be friends is this: In general, do I feel good after being with this person? If not, your intuition is telling you something and it is time to move on.
* Compliment other people. What you compliment them on may lead to a conversation.
* Don't over analyze what to say before saying it.
* Go with the flow (but only when you feel comfortable with it!)
* Be positive and happy which is a very attractive quality.
* Don't mimic your friends exactly. Just identify the things you find helpful, and form them into your social routine. However, do this without losing your respect for them. If you become cocky about it, over-arrogance will somehow get mixed into what you assimilate from them, and that won't be very social. Funny how that works. So respect them. They are just as good as you, in case you start to think you are better than them. This will keep your social life strong and productive.
* Don't talk all the time just to not seem shy. This can get very annoying. Listen, then add to what the other person said.
* Don't talk badly about others. This will not win you friends.
* Don't be afraid to act silly or funny, but know where to stop.
* If that someone you want to be sociable to wants you to do something you know you shouldn't be doing, say something against it! Not only will this show that you have good judgement, it will show that you are confident and that you respect yourself. But be careful, and don't go extremely overboard.... but once again, know where to draw the line!
* Another thing that helps is trying to always be honest. If your friends are having trouble in their lives, (i.e. a drug addiction) tell them about how it's affecting their lives, that is, if it's a big problem in their lives.
* Don't always give in to peer pressure, it is a BIG TURN-OFF! Even if you are the most social person ever! It always leads to trouble, and if you stick out of the crowd, then people will think you are great to hang around, because you think for yourself. Choose for yourself what you think is right and wrong. People will usually like you even more because you have a back bone.
Posted by Jane at Friday, June 06, 2008 |