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Jun 29, 2009

Reconcile With Someone Without Losing Your Pride

Not ready to lose someone in your life, but feel that reconciling might make you come across as needy and desperate?

1. Objectively evaluate how bad the fall out was. Was the person extremely insulting? Calm down and see if they were making a valid point there, or if it was an argument over something trivial. The degree of flexibility you should have in your reconciliation should be derived from this.
2. Give them space for a while, and if possible, try not to be the one to make the first move, because that would mean losing the upper hand before its even begun, and in some extreme cases could just be giving them an opportunity to reject you again.
3. Before doing anything drastic like breaking down and contacting them or pleading for a reconciliation, think about how you would feel if the position was reversed. You certainly don't want them thinking they can treat you badly and then have you pleading for reconciliation without even lifting a finger!
4. Think about it this way: if they don't make the first move, sooner or later things will go back to the way they were during the fall out. Allowing them to make the first move shows you that they've realized where they went wrong and how important you are to them.
5. Be hard to get, even if you think its impossible for you to pretend, push yourself, because the harder to get you are, the more they'll want you.
6. Give them time to go over the fall out. If you never give them any time to evaluate their mistakes, they'll just make them over and over. Let them think about what went wrong, and let them put in some work and fix it.
7. Be gracious. When they do come around and apologize, be gracious, and back out of the conversation quickly. Make them realize they can't treat you this way and expect no consequences.
8. Act cool around them for a while after the apology, and let them make an effort to call you and keep up the friendship. Don't overdo this though, since you do want to reconcile.
9. Once you both have calmed down, sit down and talk about the issues, and make sure not to be insulting or you might end up in another fight. Try to get your point across so that in future they won't [hopefully] repeat it.
10. Make sure they know that if they wreck things with you again, you won't be this re conciliatory.
11. If you were the one who wrecked things, apologizing sincerely is a good way to start the reconciliation. Remember: apologizing never made anybody lesser or greater than the other person.

Be patient, and don't expect things to instantly go back to the way they were.
If you think that the person is making the same mistakes again, consider moving on.No matter how bad things seem, it'll be worse if you lose your dignity, so never ever plead or beg.